Written on: August 23, 2011
Perhaps a good thing is good when it is there in the right amount. But when the good thing becomes excessive, it becomes a nuisance. And when it becomes a nuisance, and you point it out, you get the blame for not treasuring this good thing. But why can’t people understand, that the favour was never asked for in the first place? And if you are willing to do people a favour, probably with the intention of making them feel/be better, why make them feel worse when they point out that you are going overboard with this “good”?
This can apply to anything – tangible and intangible things.
For simplicity’s sake, let’s begin with something that everyone is familiar with: sugar. Unless you are not human, you will like sweet things because you are designed this way so that you will want to intake glucose for energy. A bit of sweet every so often is nice, but when you eat sweets all the time, it just becomes disgusting. And if it doesn’t become disgusting and you keep on eating more and more of it, you will eventually become obese, have your blood sugar all messed up, and eventually your body won’t be able to handle it anymore that you might end up developing diabetes (especially if you are predisposed to the disease). Not to mention, too much sweets all the time, in combination with the lack of proper hygiene, will also give you cavities. So is sweet stuff like sugar a bad thing that should be avoided completely? No, because glucose is necessary for our diet; and only having it in excess would mess you up. What is good and bad is relative. It is not determined by what it is, but the amount that you are having it.
If you don’t follow, don’t bother reading the rest. It will be too much goodies for you and you will find it a nuisance.
Sugar is tangible but the same idea applies to intangible things… like when people are being too nice to you. And this is how you get the bs phrase “nice guys finish last”, which is actually not quite bs. First off, when you say that someone is nice, it is probably because you don’t really know anything about them. There is nothing wrong with them, so they are… nice. They are not funny, not great-listener, not talented… etc., because you don’t know if they are any of that. So they are just nice, because that is what they are. That’s it. Or if they are very nice, to the point that it becomes too nice, you will still say that they are nice, just because you would be considered a terrible person if you say they are annoying for being too nice to you.
What is considered too nice then? It is just like sugar. Nice is a good thing, but being treated too nicely can become a nuisance. For example, when you make a casual comment like “it is chilly today”. A nice guy, being the gentleman, might ask if you if you want his jacket. Or if he is not that nice, he might just ignore your comment, which isn’t really a big deal because it isn’t anything important in the first place. A too-nice guy, on the other hand, would immediately take off his jacket and offer it to you. To make me seem like a terrible person, which is quite possibly the case, I would say that doing such a thing is annoying. Why? You never asked him to take off his jacket, and if he actually finds it cold and then gets a cold as a result of offering you that jacket, it is now your fault for making him sick… all because you made a meaningless comment that he took seriously. Then you’d feel bad for indirectly causing him to become sick. So a too-nice act, with purely good intentions, ends up inducing unnecessary guilt. What is worse is that if he is the type to take off the jacket, he would most likely always check on you for any signs of discomfort, and then try to get rid of that discomfort for you. This is creepy, and only mom’s do that. It is very annoying even when mom’s do it, and this is what inspired the article in the first place. But because they are mom’s, that’s ok, because the sad reality is that you will end up being this annoying to your kids when you have kids.
Point is, too-nice guys are too nice, to the point that they would sacrifice themselves for you, in excess, that you’d feel bad for what happens to them after they constantly make those sacrifices. They might think that they are being nice, but they are being inconsiderate without knowing that you could possibly feel bad for their sacrifice, because you are also human so you’d also want to care for them. But now they are not letting you do that. And how could you possibly care for another person without caring for yourself first? You can’t, at least not without making them worry about you… and making them worry is not being caring for them already. To treat a child too nicely is one thing, because the child is supposedly fragile (and that mentality remains for mom’s even when the child grows up into an adult), but to treat someone the same age range as you like a child… no one likes to be treated like a child, who presumably cannot take care of themselves. In that case, being too nice is like treating the other person not as your equal. And yes, even though the intention was originally a good one, it is good in excess, and this is why girls don’t like guys who are too nice.
That said, the bs phrase “nice guys finish last” is not quite bs when it is changed to “too-nice guys finish last”. Not only does too-nice means that there is nothing interesting about them other than nice, and nice, and… nice; it is also creepy, and indirectly suggesting that they are not treating you as their equal. Of course, because too-nice guys don’t understand this, and they get rejected by girls, they put the blame on the girl by saying that girls like jerks. Girls never asked for guys to be too nice to them, so they should not be blamed. Girls just want a guy that treats them like a human being, the way that a person treats another person nicely. That is all.
Not sure where to stick this in, but some too-nice guys tend to think that being nice equals to being agreeable. Being too agreeable would be a nuisance too, because agreeing to something that you disagree with is being fake; and there is nothing nice about being fake, if not the complete opposite.
Published: August 23, 2011